General Application

Your Character Name:

(removed for no reason)

Email Address:

(removed for the same reason)

Birthdate:

Feb 31st 1902

Months that you've been in Furcadia:

More than 48 Months

Your Time Zone:

Japanese (JST)

Do you fluently speak a language other than English?:

Romanian

(If your primary language isn't English, please list your primary language in the space provided. If the language you speak fluently isn't listed, please choose "Other" in the list and type your secondary language in "Other.")

Other:

Klingon, Fortran, Dirty Talk

Primary:

Dolphin

Does anyone else use your computer to access Furcadia?

Yes

(If yes, what are their character names?)

Character Names:

Osama Bin Laden, but all he does is play Neopets.

Approximately how many hours do you spend on Furcadia per week?:

more than 35

What times of the day are you generally on Furcadia?:

(all time periods checked)

Where do you generally socialize while on Furcadia?:

Goldwyn

Are you (the applying character) associated with any guilds?

Yes

If so, which guild(s)?:

Yiffy Sewage Treatment Plant
Feral Subways - Rat and Cockroach RP
Amish Gangsta City

What does the term "online community" mean to you?

One calm summer evening when I was watering the peonies, a little boy came up to me with a brick. With a fierce banshee scream, he lunged at me with the brick. I was too scared and surprised to dodge aside in time; after a few blows to the head everything went black and/or sepia. When I came to, I was in a dark cave surrounded by thousands of tiny little goblins. They were about the size of zucchinis, and they had about the same color and texture too. I was getting hungry looking at them when the goblin chief started chanting the words "online community" in his tiny high-pitched goblin voice. All the other goblins started chanting it too, and soon the cave echoed with the hypnotic words "online community." As the chanting grew louder, I felt my mind slipping into insanity. I almost lost it completely when I saw a light at one end of the cave and I ran for it. The goblins gave chase, but I was faster. The chanting still ringing in my ears, I ran screaming from the cave and kept running until I found a highway, where I hitchhiked to the nearest mental hospital. I've been there ever since. Whenever someone mentions "online community," I am forced to relive the memory of the strange little boy and the goblin cave with their horrible chanting. This is what it means to me.

Why would you like to join the Beekin volunteer program?

to meet hot beekin chicks

Do you have any other characters that are part of the Beekins?

Yes

(If so, please list the character name(s) below, separated by commas.)

HCl, Ahezhara, Felorin

What Beekin group do you wish to join?

Guardian

Guardian Application

In your opinion, what exactly does a Guardian do?

Eat donuts and drink coffee mostly I guess. Is there any police brutality? I'm interested in that.

What do you feel is the most important trait of a Guardian?

Probably it has to do with looking good. To that end, I've waxed all my body fur off, and I've been working on my tan. I wonder if a speedo would be too casual. Do Guardians get "Casual Friday"? I like wearing the speedo.

In your opinion, what is something that a Guardian should try not to do?

Guardians shouldn't confuse "it's" and "its." That's just annoying. Also, Guardians shouldn't ever be nice. They should always be firm and tough on crime, and being nice just encourages evil. I consider niceness to be bad policy.

Do you have any techniques you'd like to share with us from experiences with offline conflict management, or in dealing with troublesome furres online?

I have a secret handshake that only I know. It's pretty hard to do though. I tried to teach it to my dog but I dislocated my shoulder because the piano shifted. My dog was okay, though.

What is your history with or 'ties' to the Guardian group, if any? Example: Friends or enemies that have been in the group, how often you use the help channel, and for what, whether you've ever been 'in trouble', etc.

I am deeply entrenched in the Guardian power structure. Cironir is actually my cousin and we play racquetball on Tuesdays. Kamose and I personally beat up Oviedo. We don't need bunnies in the Guardians. We keep it pure. We're going after Cosmos next, but don't tell him.

What commands, rights, and/or responsibilities do you believe Guardians have, and what real life organization would you compare them to?

Guardians have REAL Ultimate Power. They can ban and eject and shoot lasers out of their eyes. I heard that there was this Guardian who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the Guardian killed the whole town. My friend Kyudo said that he saw a Guardian totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window.
Guardians are most like a street gang or the Knights Templar. Or ninjas.

What would you say are your personal strengths?

I would like to call your attention to my adequate personal hygeine and my minty fresh breath. I just ate a tic-tac, can you smell it? I also am good at rugby and I can shout pretty loud, if you need someone who can play rugby, or who can shout loudly. I am confident that my skills will meet your expectations.

What would you say your personal weaknesses are, and how do you work at overcoming them?

I think my only weakness is being too good at what I do, be it rugby or shouting. Possibly some other Guardians may find my expertise threatening to their position. I do not wish to cause any trouble, though. Unfortunately, I can't help being good at rugby and shouting. I tried to be just average once, but I got a very bad headache and I bled from my navel and I had to go to the emergency room.
Also when people say "online community" I am overwhelmed by fear and I scream, and afterwards cry. That may be inconvenient in certain situations.

What do you think would be the most difficult thing to deal with in a Guardian role?

I bet you get so many girlfriends that you forget the names of some of them. That could be awkward. Can you number your girlfriends, if it's easier to remember? That should go in the next update.

What problems have you personally encountered in Furcadia, and how do you feel these should be dealt with?

Some people have been jerks to me and I'd like to get my revenge. In particular, my cousin Cironir once said I was being stupid. So I think the proper recourse would be for me to organize a coup once I get into the Guardians. I want to be the king of the Guardians. Or consul, whatever his title is.

Throughout your time in Furcadia, have you ever disliked any particular aspects of the world itself? If so, please elaborate.

I hate noobs. There are too many noobs. Anyone who's been on Furcadia for less than three months should be banned, it would save us a lot of trouble. If I were a Guardian I would do this and more. I would be tough on crime. Zero tolerance. Electric chair for the filter dodgers. This may seem harsh, but it's effective.

How do you believe your experiences in Furcadia would change, if you were a Guardian?

I would become the Guardian consul. I would be able to control the Guardians and they would ban the noobs. I would have girlfriends 1-14 and they would all be hot beekins. Maybe I wouldn't have episodes when I hear "online community" anymore. Yeah, that'll be sweet.

Now we have a few situational questions for you! You're visiting a dream with some friends. A stranger, BIgBOy, approaches you and asks you all some rude questions of a sexual nature. When one friend tells BIgBOy off, he starts being more graphic and screaming at the group. As a furre, not a Guardian, what would you do?

I would turn on my Guardian badge and tell him to shut up and then ban him. If he keeps coming back on alts I would ban his entire neighborhood, because he could go to his friend's house and use their Furcadia character. I believe that as a furre, this is reasonable. Plus BlgBOy is a horrible name.

You're the only Guardian on duty and receive a call about Nastee, a furre who is using vulgar language in New Haven. When you whisper the furre, she tells you to "screw yourself". As Guardian, what would you do?

I would ask her if she was hot and if she wanted to engage in an intimate relationship with me. If she declined, I would ban her. I believe that as a Guardian, this is reasonable.

You're on duty as a Guardian, and you find yourself called to the middle of a crowded area on a main map. Racial slurs, vulgarity, and sexual content are being tossed about among at least half a dozen people. As a Guardian, how would you handle this type of situation?

I would work myself up into a berserk rage and, roaring, swing my large battleaxe indiscriminately, felling noob after noob with my awesome Guardian powers.

A player is calling in and reports that a former friend of her is giving out personal information on AIM and also threatens to hack her. The conversation takes place in AIM, but both are players of Furcadia. As Guardian, what would you do?

I would ban the "former friend" and I would ask the player if she was hot and if she wanted to go to Yiffy Office Building in FurN with me. If she said no, I would ban her too. Tough on crime.

Imagine you're a Guardian and encounter a unfamiliar situation. After checking with another Guardian, you realize that you personally absolutely do not agree with how the rules say a situation is to be dealt with. What would you do?

After consulting with my chief tactical officer Pwwka, I would probably assassinate whoever came up with those rules. Then I would change the rules, obviously, because I'm the Guardian consul and I can do that. You really should pay attention.

The Guardians are a diverse group. You find yourself on duty together with another Guardian that you are not fond of. As it happens, the other Guardian works on a call and you find that her way of handling the situation is poor. What would you do?

I would ban her, unless she's hot. Then she would be my 15th girlfriend. I believe this is acceptable behavior for the Guardian consul.

You've answered all the application questions provided. How do you feel you did?

My answers have been flawless. I am looking forward to being Guardian consul. I will now permit one more question.

Any final comments before submitting your application?

If you don't approve me I will ban you.